29 July 2008

why I can't go in public.

I have always had a tough time with public restrooms. A few years ago my dad, uncle & I were in the midst of a two hour journey by car when I had to pee bad. I looked at them both and said, "Just find a rural spot, I'd rather pee outside than in a gas station." I did exactly this. This is nice illustratation of how I feel about public restrooms, except say at The 112 our favorite restaurant or my gym. I have peed behind in an alley behind a garage in the dead of winter to avoid a house party bathroom. The idea of sitting bare bottomed on a seat wher many others have just grosses me out.

So tonight. I'm in NY at this Cuban bar (best Mojitos in Manhattan) and I need to use the restroom. So I walk to the back of the bar and there's a line. No big deal. But, the man ahead of me insists I go before him. So chivelrous, so nice. Except that I walk into the one stall, one room loo and there is pee all over the seat.

Now, this would not be that big of a deal in most situations as I would squat over the seat do what I need to & be done. But, I can't do this because I have made friends with the person who is not only next in line, but was kind enough to let me go ahead of him. He will think I am the one who peed all over the seat. I wiped the foreign pee, washed my hands and did what I needed to, left the bathroom with a smile and a thanks to the man in line and was on my way.

But what else could I have done? Squatted and come out of the bathroom saying, "Thanks & good luck!"? That would not be me.

So imagine pee on a toilet seat and dealing with that in a unisex bathroom (with multiple stalls and people all over) with no doors on the stalls. This was also me tonight.

Still in NY. This time at a gay bar called, Splash. We arrive, I have to pee like a racehorse. We got to the bathroom. I choose the stall that is right next to the towel dispenser and go to close the door but there isn't one. Right, I knew this, I was warned. So I turn & the seat has pee all over it.

Okay, I think, I can go with this, I can.

And I do.

I pull up my dress and pull down my undies. I squat (This looks so hot by the way).

As dozens of bathroom users acquire paper towels to dry their hands they look at me: the girl with the crazy red hair, squatting, hot pink undies clutched in one hand (so they don't get splashed or fall to the floor), balancing per the wall with my other. I make eye contact with a few and laugh in self deprication. No one else does. Not a single one.



  1. i would have laughed in solidarity!

  2. No doors on the stalls?!?! That is just awful. Though, I can guess why they aren't there.

    Just stay out of NYC when you have morning sickness someday. I had the worst exxperience with a disgusting bathroom and the need to puke. I'll spare you the details, but it's no fun to have to put your face and your open mouth near anything that gross.

  3. I never knew this about you! Good to know!