Heirloom.

Yesterday my Gramps gave me this lovely little painting. In 1939 he purchased it at Dayton's for his mother (my great-grandmother & namesake) as a birthday gift. It was a mere coincidence that it was inscribed, "Delilah", though I suspect that is what spurred Gramps to buy the painting for her as Delilah was her first name.

I never knew her, but I was named for her so I do feel a certain affinity for her. I grew up hearing about her. I know her life story backwards & forwards: the names of all nine of her children, the house she lived in, the house she was born in. Her heartaches & her joy.

Handsome Randy & I have recently begun watching the new HBO series, Boardwalk Empire. Boardwalk Empire takes place in the year 1920, which is the year Gramps was born. As I've been watching this program, I have been struck with thoughts of my great-grandmother, Delilah- Dolly actually is the name she went by- and what life must have been like for her as a woman/mother/wife during that time. Pretty tough.

By 1920, Dolly had bore 7 of 9 children. She was 32 years old. The family lived on what was then considered the outskirts of Minneapolis in Liberty Heights, not so affectionately referred to as "The Sticks," according to Gramps. They had 4 rooms in that little house - 2 bedrooms, a kitchen & sitting room. The bathroom was an outdoor outhouse or "biffy". There were chickens and a pig in the backyard. Working in construction, her husband, Royce was the sole financial supporter of the family while she stayed home with the children and tended to the house. Voting was a brand new right for women.

This is in great contrast to my own life at age 32 today in 2010. I have not born any children. While I live in Minneapolis less than a mile from where Dolly raised her family & lived out her years, I have no animals in my backyard (aside from a house cat) & I have indoor plumbing. My husband Randy and I share household expenses equally and I hold a full time job. I did not have to fight for the right to vote & have exercised this right since I turned 18.

Oh yes, I think about Dolly a lot and needless to say, this little painting is a priceless and prized possession.

I have grown up admiring it and being told that one day, when I was old enough, it would be mine. When I brought it home yesterday I was elated. I rubbed the frame with lemon oil and polished the glass. I held the painting in my hands and imagined what Dolly felt when she saw it for the first time. She smiled, was happy- probably very touched- and said, "Thank you, Doug, " or maybe even, "Thank you, Dougie." I like to think that she called him Dougie for endearment. I don't know where it hung in her home, only that it hung somewhere from that day in 1939 until my grandpa reclaimed it after her death in 1977.

This Little Painting does not only represent my great-grandmother, Dolly, but also my Gramps, Doug Davis. Gramps had it hanging in his living room until a few years ago when he took it down to make way for an art piece he'd received as a gift. It was then moved to an easel and set among family photos on a dining room hutch. This spring the hutch was dismantled ("too much clutter") and The Little Painting was set aside.

The Little Painting brings me back to rides to piano lessons and theatre classes given by Gramps during which he gave history lessons as well as talked past and present day politics with me. These car rides made me feel wise beyond my years and as I grew older the lessons grew into discussions. Now the conversations we used to have in his little Ford Escort take place a few times a week in the living room of his apartment a mere 3 blocks from my own house and a mile or so from Dolly's, his childhood home, where The Little Painting originally hung for 38 years.

I am not exactly certain where I will hang it, but The Little Painting will be in a place that I pass by everyday. And with that passing, I will always be reminded of my great-grandmother Dolly, my Gramps and the impressive stock that I come from.

xoxx

Read This Book.

I read it cover to cover in a little over 2 hours. It's spectacular.

Buy it here, read it & then tell me what you think. I really want to talk about this book with someone.

xoxx

If you'd like to learn more about the author, Kerry Cohen, go here.

Style & Laughter a la Diane Keaton

I laughed so hard last night, my belly still aches.

We all know Diane Keaton was funny, but to be actually laughing out loud, head thrown back & out of breath -- and with such a gifted person. It was incredible.

I had the privilege of going to see Diane Keaton last night at Orchestra Hall. It was the final lecture of Smart Talk series for 2009.

I associate Diane Keaton with my mother. Perhaps because she is contemporary of my mother's and was (and still is) very much revered by her. Growing up, we saw any film cast with Diane Keaton. I always have looked forward to her films and laughing at her jokes, even if I didn't fully understand why I was laughing.

When I was watching those movies with my mom I always understood that Diane Keaton was a woman who did what she wanted without worrying too much about what others thought. She had her own style, which I admired, and never apologized for it. I loved this, looked up to her for it and hoped to hold those kinds of qualities when I grew older.

The talk was filled with anecdotes and stories of the people she loves most; her children, parents, siblings, and a few colleagues. She talked fondly of growing up with an encouraging mother who journaled extensively & in her childhood allowed Keaton & her siblings to collage her journal with magazine cut outs pertinent to their lives. Through out, Keaton paid homage to her mother's journal collages by way of video; she peppered the talk with video montages that were comprised of home video and film clips and personal photos of herself, her mother and her two children. It was a nice personal touch that truly let us into her world.

Diane Keaton was very much how I imagined she would be. She candidly spoke of child rearing as a middle aged, single working mom as well watching her own mother succumb to Alzheimer's disease. I laughed and shed tears, sometimes separately, but mostly at the same time. She told funny and touching stories that had bookends of tangents that typically ended with, "Yeah, well, that's that." She was compassionate, sincere & very sentimental.

There were facets of the evening that felt reminiscent of girlhood sleepovers. During the question and answer segment there was so much laughter and sense of secret sharing - it felt as though there were only five of us in the room, not hundreds.

Moderator Margery Punnet of FM107 dished with Diane Keaton about leading men, family, marriage and other random facets of life. Somebody in the audience asked, "Why didn't you ever get married?" which was replied with, "Well, nobody ever asked me, for one..." followed by a laughing fit that spread through out the entire audience. It was confessed that kissing men on screen is better than real life because it's "free". After many attempts to explain what exactly this meant (only to interrupt herself with deep laughter over and over), she finally explained that onscreen kisses require no obligation while off screen kisses do.

At the end of the evening, I had the opportunity to have my photo taken with Diane Keaton. I took it (of course!) and when we met she said, "I like your outfit,"

"Thanks! I like yours too."

"You have good style,"

"Thanks! You do too."

I was freaked out with excitement over that 2 second exchange. I milled about the room socializing & drinking wine. But really all I could think about was calling my mom to tell her all about it. And the moment I was out of the building, I dialed my mom.

xoxx

This was the final event for the Smart Talk 2009 series. The 2010 series will announced sometime later this year.

The Wisdom of Phylicia Rashad.

Her magenta blouse flowed evenly and free as she walked on stage in radiance. When she reached the center of the stage she broke into dance (her introduction music was Diana Ross' "Ain't No Mountain High Enough"). We, the audience, stood roaring with applause. She sat down on the sofa with a smile and when the music faded away she spoke in the sing song rhythm that was in the living rooms of so many of us for so many Thursday nights.

Not unlike the others, this Smart Talk event made me feel like I was not an audience member but a best girlfriend with whom Phylicia Rashad was catching up with. Or perhaps more appropriate to my generation, a best girlfriend's adult daughter with whom she was sharing life's lessons. And share some lessons with me she did.

Phylicia Rashad's life journey is magnificent. She talked about how her life, from the first spotlight she ever graced in her Houston, Texas childhood to the beauty and love in child rearing. A radiant and calming presence, she spoke from her heart with such purpose and grace. Her wisdom ever apparent as she shared stories of her life, always highlighting the moments of love, determination and strength through success and triumph.

Through everything, the sun "followed [her] wherever [she] went because [she] was special". It was this determination that nurtured her talents and gave her such a notable career and a privileged life. And also frequent phone calls to her mother for advice. Her humility was remarkable.

Encouraged by Phylicia Rashad's stories, I walked out of the theater ready to dust off old dreams and pursue them at all costs. I am confident I will carry Phylicia Rashad's words with me for sometime as I live day to day, making decisions and navigating through situations. There is opportunity for love in everything and I know the sun will be wherever I go.

She is truly an inspiration and I am so very happy I heard her speak.

*******************************************

Next month SmartTalk brings Diane Keaton to Minneapolis. She will be speaking at Orchestra Hall on May 21st at 7:30pm. Tickets are still available, you purchase them online here. You too could be inspired.

xoxx

Can't Wait to See Phylicia!

I think the Cosby family is the only television family I really wanted to be a part of. They were all so smart and always had a great time together. And the parents, Cliff & Clair were so in love and carried on the ideal equal partnership.

Clair Huxtable was a working mom who did it all and could still have a great laugh at the end of the day. As a mom, she was fair and wise with a lot of humor and love. Clair Huxtable was kind of a Donna Reed for me; when I imagine myself as a mother, I hope I can be just like Clair.

While I am completely serious, I am also realistic.

I do realize that Clair Huxtable is not a real person and only lives in the heart and minds of NBC viewers who watched Thursday night television in the eighties. But she was brought to life ever so perfectly by Phylicia Rashad.

Phylicia Rashad is coming to Minneapolis this coming Tuesday, April 21st! She will be appearing at Orchestra Hall as part of the Smart Talk series. As you can imagine, I am very much looking forward to hearing what she has to say - I know it will be great!

If you want to go (you should) tickets are still available. Go here to purchase them.

Why I love Fran Drescher

Tonight Fran Drescher walked onto Minneapolis’ Orchestra Hall stage hailing a Miss America wave. She stepped up to the podium & graciously smiled, then said in her famous Queens, NY accent, “What a warm Minnesota welcome! Thank you for coming out in the snow; I am so flattered!” Immediate laughter and the ice was broken.

Within moments of tonight’s Smart Talk’s Connected Conversation this once “chubby girl from Queens” effortlessly evoked the feeling of dishing with an old friend over coffee. And like the good friend that I am, everything good that happened to her I was excited about and everything challenging I took to heart.

I rooted for her and felt proud of her as she told the story of how her revered show, “The Nanny” came to be and the tribulations and triumphs that came with it. I was disgusted on her behalf as she spoke of the 2 years of 8 doctors and misdiagnosis she endured before finally learning she had Uterine Cancer. The subsequent hysterectomy & recovery made my heart ache for her. But her perseverance inspired me.

Fran Drescher recovered from uterine cancer motivated to change women’s health policies and that is just what she has done. Marching up and down Washington D.C.’s Capitol Hill for women’s health, she seized every opportunity to network with people she knew and talking about the necessity for stronger women’s health initiatives. Her work paid off; by unanimous vote in 2005 The Gynecological Cancer Education and Awareness Act passed and was signed into law.

But she didn't stop there. She founded the organization, Cancer Schmancer to help educate women on the prevention and early detection of cancer. The organization is named after her book "Cancer Schmancer" (released in 2003) in which she shares her experience with Uterine Cancer and subsequent recovery. On the website for Cancer Schmancer there are links to advice for Cancer prevention, early detection signs, and diagnosis and treatment. With this site, Fran Drescher created a fantastic place where women can go and find straight forward information about a deadly disease that very few people talk about candidly.

All of her stories, no matter how dire the situation had not only a punch line, but a silver lining as well. She really advocated for us, her audience, to “invest in every opportunity” and to see every event, good or bad, as an opportunity to invest in. She also advised us to be proactive when it comes to our health: Don’t be infantile, write down questions to ask, and bring a strong support person with you. I appreciated that & took with me so much because of it.

When the evening came to a close, I stood with great enthusiasm, clapped and even let out a hoot. I felt so much gratitude for all the work Fran Drescher has done on behalf of women. Also, I had learned so much and suddenly had so much to do. I was inspired to make things greater for my community and myself, and to invest in every opportunity that comes my way.

2009 is the 13th season of Smart Talk and I am looking forward to Phylicia Rashad on Tuesday, April 21st at 7:30pm, and Diane Keaton on Thursday, May 21st at 7:30pm. Both events are at Orchestra Hall and tickets are still available. You can learn how to buy tickets here.

xoxx

OMG! She's Sleeveless!

Last week Michelle Obama's "Official" First Lady portrait was unveiled. I don't remember the unveiling of Laura or Hillary's even happening let alone being such a big deal. The unveiling of this portrait flooded the media.

The lack of sleeves was the most likely comment to be made, though it didn't seem to be with any criticism, just simply noted. Anderson Cooper headlined his CNN "360" show with something to the effect of "First Lady portrait unveiled, will she be sleeveless? Coming up." I laughed out loud at the sense of cliffhanger given over Michelle Obama's sleeves, or lack there of. While I wasn't surprised (her arms and our easy view of them has been a comment in the media for a while) I was a little dismayed by the attention that detail of the portrait received.

I understand the obsession with Michelle Obama's fashion and I too am guilty of it; she is the most fashionable First Lady in the White House in a very long time. I can sort of understand the curiosity behind her preference for sleeveless dresses as we are used the The First Lady dressing either ever so matronly or in the political attire of The Pant Suit. But really, does it matter all that much if she has sleeves or not? She is such a graceful presence and embodies so much class, I wish we would just appreciate that and move along.

I am relieved to have heard very little, if any, negative criticism of her appearance.
I shudder at the thought of Michelle Obama being berated as Hillary Clinton was early in President Clinton's term for wearing a headband. I do believe that criticism was so loud because she was such a presence and clearly a woman who speaks out. That cannot be criticized in this day and age, but her appearance can.

Last night I was on the internets pretending to be productive and decided to look up the First Lady portraits of the past. I am struck by the backgrounds chosen, the poses, and of course what they were wearing. Obviously there is in image one tries to project and uphold when they are First Lady and I suppose the Official Portrait is the way set that up and set in stone forever. Fresh cut flowers seem to be a common prop and I suppose the kind of flowers chosen is something that is as well thought out as wardrobe and background.
As I look through these portraits I am reminded of standing in Art Museums through out my life and staring at the antique portraits of Royalty. When I was a child I would bide my time with those portraits by imagining the life the person led, and the moment captured (or invented) on canvas - what that moment meant for them. I always made note of those who went against the grain by smiling and decided that I would have smiled too.

It is in that vein that I salute our First Lady, Michelle Obama for not wearing a sleeved dress in her portrait. It seems so silly to see someone as going against the grain for not wearing sleeves, but it is just what she did. Her quiet determination to stay true to herself despite her latest station in life has spoken volumes to me and says so much about the entire First Family. And that is just one of the many factors that gives me so much Hope for the next 4 years.

P.S. Former First Ladies L to R: Betty Ford; Rosalyn Carter; Laura Bush; Hillary Clinton

Malalai Kakar 1967 - 2008

Yesterday morning, Malalai Kakar was assassinated* in front of her home as her son prepared to drive her to work. She was a remarkable woman. The highest ranking woman in a police force in Afghanistan, she headed the Crimes Against Women unit in Kandahar and was mother to six children. She was the the first woman to rejoin the police force after the Taleban were ousted in 2001, she had previously joined the police force in 1981 following the likes of her father and brother.

I read an article about Malalai Kakar sometime last year in Mother Jones magazine. The striking photo above is of her and was initially what drew me into the article. As I read I was struck by her perseverance, humility & strength; she inspired me.

I heard news of her death tonight on the radio as I drove home. I was saddened and immediately thought of the women in Afghanistan, Malalai Kakar's community of Kandahar, her children and their grief for her.

I arrived home and googled her name. The bulk of articles that came up were recounting her assassination, but there were a handful that were written long before and told tales of her advocation for Afghani women illustrating her magnificent character. (This BBC article is my favorite.)

Tonight let us keep her in our thoughts and grieve her and the loss her children and community will endure in the wake of her death.

xoxx

*Her assassination has been claimed by the Taleban & is part of an alleged campaign to eliminate all women in authoritative & powerful positions in Afghanistan.

dish soap & what that does for (or against) my feminist status.

my friend, zerd recently wrote a post titled "Am I less of a feminist because I fold my husband's underwear?" Well, I don't think so. But it reminded me of some of my own feminist insecurities.

When Handsome Randy & I officially merged households I was intent that we would divide most household tasks such as laundry, cleaning & shopping fairly and equally. This was quite important to me as part of my personal feminism of sorts.

Well, we took turns doing laundry only once. I took a turn, then HR did. He doesn't hang dry delicates (T-Shirts & Carhartt's aren't all that delicate after all) and a few sweaters of mine were shrunk. So we agreed to each do our own laundry there after.

As for cleaning, we've got a pretty good system down. For example, we have an agreement that who ever is last out of bed is responsible for making it (this is followed in spurts - mostly I falter). And when we're expecting people over to our house I typically take to cleaning the kitchen & dining room and he takes the living room and bathroom. When everyone leaves he'll do the dishes because I've done the cooking. And as for day to day tidiness - we are equally messy and attempting in not being so; we have pretty good tolerance for each other's messes.

I feel pretty good about these arrangements. We both do.

But the shopping. This has been trickier for me.

I really disliked being the only one who thought to buy light bulbs or laundry detergent or dish soap. So, I would suggest HR making such purchases, "Hey, while you're buying turkey burgers we really need dish soap - please buy eco friendly." Said task would be accomplished as requested and Planet was the soap that was set by the sink. Good enough, but I secretly wanted my (fairly expensive) favorite, Mrs. Meyer's. I know, I know. This is being ridiculously picky, thus I never uttered a word. I took on the dish soap shopping with no complaints.

When HR & I moved in together we needed curtains for our bedroom. He was ambivalent, I was not. I really needed a color palatte for our bedroom and I wanted him to be an active participant in creating it, so I dragged him to Ikea with me to pick out curtains. We stood at the curtain display for probably a good 30 minutes discussing and compromising. A woman stopped us and said, "My husband and I have been together for 30 years and when it comes to shopping for home decor, I learned to leave him at home 29 years ago." We laughed, she walked away and HR said she was right. Needless to say while he had a hand in our bedroom curtains (since replaced) I figured out the sheets and bedspread and the color palatte they followed. We were both happy with this arrangement. This should have been precedent for all future shopping for anything that we needed and I felt more strongly than he did.

Recently such suit has been followed, but I kicked and screamed thinking all the while, "I hold a degree in Women's Studies for god's sake", as though a "real" feminist wouldn't allow only one person to be responsible to buy dish soap. I guess being the sole dish soap buyer somehow equated some sort of oppression within our relationship.

But really, who's being oppressed here? Me, because I am the one who buys dish soap the majority of the time, or HR because he doesn't have the opportunity to choose which brand of dish soap we use?

Neither of us is oppressed by one another. HR could care less what kind of dish soap we use, I couldn't care more. I am merely over thinking a task that is so benign in the big scheme of things that if anyone is oppressed, it's me at the hands of myself due to too much analyzing!

I am a picky, brand specific shopper. My loving and obliging partner in crime is more than willing to make household purchases if I request, but he does not share the need for basil scented counter top spray and soft but made from recycled paper toilet paper nor is he willing to foot the bill for such extravagances and I am.

I am no less feminist for running to the market with dish soap at the top of my list than I am more of a feminist because I hold a B.A. in Women's Studies.

more on this topic later. i promise.

xoxx