weird dreams & ramblings

Promises of a return? I guess they were somewhat empty. Bear with me as I try to make good on them.

And, please do note that every night as I fall asleep I think about this blog & come up with phenomenal posts, it's just that by the time morning comes they are all blurry & not nearly as profound as they were while I drifted off to sleep.

There once was a day when I felt really, truly proud of my multitasking abilities. I could make a dinner while sending an email while watering the flowers while kissing my handsome man. Now? Well it seems the very thought of packing up our house takes up all the energy I have let alone actually doing it & going on with my daily life as usual. I can't decide if it's the move that's overwhelming or the new chapter in our life the move represents. Or maybe, just maybe I am lazy. Probably a little of all three.

Yesterday morning as I was waking up I had a crazy dream. I was on the shores of Lake Superior (which were much like the shore of Hawaii), it was filled with tourists in bathing suits. It was me, Randy, a friend of ours & her young son. The little boy and I went off to swim in a pool. We swam underwater but could never seem to get to the top to catch our breath. We realized there had been a tsunami while we were underwater. We finally made it to the top to catch our breath, found our way out of the water and back to Randy and our friend who were safe. We all embraced. Then Randy decided to go for a swim in the water to see what he could find. I begged him not to, but he insisted only to return a few minutes later with a new pair of Spandex biking shorts that he found floating amongst the debris. This was exciting as he has been lamenting over his need to new biking shorts for months.

I don't know what this means or if it's even relevant, but the story & images have stuck with me.

Thanks for reading, wish me luck and energy for packing & have a fantastic day.

xoxx

Getting in Focus.

Today is Thursday yet it seems like maybe it should be Tuesday. The last few days have been a blur as I have been so sick with some stupid virus that for two whole days left me sleeping in our bed or on the bathroom floor because it required me to be in there so often. Yes, it was that kind of virus. Good times.

And now I am left thirsty (a little dehydrated yet), hungry (a little skiddish to eat my regular stuff) and trying to get that blur into a focused picture. Handsome Randy is leaving today for a month long tour. The last few days of his homestay were not spent in the usual nor ideal ways. I was cranky, critical & crabby which probably made it quite hard to want buy me much needed Gatorade. But he smiled, kissed my forehead, took me to the doctor and brought me Gatorade and bananas despite his very real work deadlines and crabby ladyfriend.

Yesterday when I came to and it hit me that he was leaving in less than 24 hours I wanted to cry. Actually I did cry for a good solid minute and I felt such dispair for having been so out of it and so sick and so crabby that I think it made me feel worse rather than better.

But this happens everytime I am sick. When I come out of it it's almost as if I mourn the time I've lost from being ill. Everything feels out of whack as I haven't been to work, the house is a mess and I never once watered my plants. The feeling of neglect toward my life is overhwhelming. So I do what comes best to me, I cry. Then I wipe my nose, water my plants and slowly put my routine back in motion. It all gets better that way.

While HR was home we definitely accomplished our mission and bought a house, one we both love and can hardly wait to make our own. I, gleefully, have been granted full license to choose colors and what we do with our extra bedrooms as he is just happy to have a "comfy house". In the midst of my virus, we had our house inspected. While it is all kind of a blur to me, it was nice to just be there for two hours. We sat around talking and it was so comfortable and filled with nice energy. Fillmore Street will be a great place for us. We can hardly wait.

So here's to being virus free, lucky enough to have a partner who is not only Handsome but very patient and forgiving of his sick lady and to our upcoming and very happy home.

xoxx

Feeling Hefty.

I am having a day in which I feel a little bit hefty.

GAH!

And before I continue on this topic, I want to make very clear that I know I am not fat or even remotely overweight, just a little bit out of shape. Okay, a lot out of shape.

This morning I went to the gym for the first time in far too long. I pulled on my work out pants and they were tight. Tight! They have never ever been tight. This was the beginning of my self deprication and evolved into some pretty disgusted sighs as I looked in the full length mirror while I stretched. In the very least my too tight work out pants & self depricating mirror gazes provided some motivation to get on the elliptical as fast as possible and stay there.

But I couldn't. I got on, set the program for 30 minutes and danced away...Outkast, Le Tigre, Aretha - all the motivators but it was not enough. By the fourth song I was exhausted and with out energy. I was annoyed and pushed through three more songs counting the seconds until they ended...so I pushed myself to the 2 mile mark and jumped off, a little defeated but not without a wake up call that I need to get back there. ASAP.
xoxx

Beginning of the End.

Our house is such a 'sty right now. The thing that always gets me moving is washing the bathroom & kitchen towels. But our washer is out of order presently so I have to go to the Laundromat or a kind relative's house & that takes a little more planning & effort. I working on a plan right now...I swear.

But seriously, it's lucky for me that the weather warmed up because I could just move into my summer clothes & not worry about which dirty clothing item is the cleanest. We all have done this is dire times right?

Handsome Randy is leaving for SXSW early tomorrow. His absence always seems to inspire a major cleaning overhaul. Tomorrow it will for sure begin. It obviously won't happen today as I am too busy writing about it.

I never stop feeling amazed at how much more productive I feel with a clean house. Perhaps because the housekeeping isn't hanging over my head to get done or I feel more organized or something. But it always feels like i get so much more get accomplished, even if all my day consisted of was watching a Bravo reality TV marathon. I guess I could pay closer attention without the distraction of random, accumulated junk on our coffee table.

And by the way, at which moment did we give up on our clean living quarters & start to leave random junk on the coffee table. And dining & kitchen tables for that matter? That is always the beginning of the end of a clean house. It probably began the same day we started leaving our dirty clothes in the bathroom.
xoxx

resolutions & some other stuff.

This year I resolve to...
text & email back within 1 hour of receipt.
supplement my income in ways that do not involve wearing an apron.
continue to travel.
exercise my patience & become more patient.
do pilates twice per week.
join a club.
sing in a choir or join an improv group or take a dance class.
cultivate an even better garden than last summer.
smile more.
stay on top of current music better.
write everyday.
blog 2-3 times per week.

happy new year!
xoxx

Spin Class is going well, Thank You.

Remember this post? Yeah, well, as of last week I still hadn't stepped foot in a yoga studio or a spin class. But I was gently reminded of my agreement with myself regarding my "BP" as we walked into Thanksgiving Dinner #3 & people promptly asked me how spin & yoga are. hmmm, maybe I should go so I could tell them.

Later on I signed into my myspace page to find a comment from an old college friend asking yet again how spin class was going. I laughed outloud & showed the comment to Handsome Randy who asked what I was going to tell her. Nothing; how can you reply when the answer is "I don't know, I haven't gone"?

So, Monday morning I woke up early (for me) with the gracious help of Handsome Randy and, in a zombie state, I traveled to my local ywca to partake in early morning spin class. Though times have changed since last winter, now it is simply called "cycle". I felt so good when it was over and even called my friend Jenny to tell her about it.

So getting there the first time is tough, but sometimes going back can be harder. So true.
This morning I arrived at the Y about 30 minutes too late for spin, er, cycle, but I did have one hell of a workout on the elliptical. And for that I can thank Le Tigre's "Deceptacon" for making me move. When it came up on my Ipod playlist I moved and grooved and bopped my head as though I was on a dance floor. I can only imagine what the woman next to me thought as she read and ellipticized. I feel really great & I almost am looking forward to the elliptical & deceptacon tomorrow morning.

Thanks for asking me about spin & yoga - if you hadn't I might still be putting off my BP action plan until next week, or maybe the week after...

xoxx