awakened.

last night i finished re-reading kate chopin's "The Awakening". This book remains to be one of my favorites. I related to the story in a different way this time around. In the book, Edna Pontellier becomes quite disillusioned with her high society husband & the contraints of their marriage..she leaves. I read this book this time & quietly chided Edna to stay & tough it out. Perhaps I was really telling myself to suck it up as of late I've been a little disillusioned myself with handsome randy's rockstar job & the challenges it sometimes causes. This might be a stretch but read on anyway.
Handsome Randy is in the midst of being gone for 2 months working. I have visited him twice (Atlanta & L.A.) during his two month absence and for the most part his being away has been quite a bit easier than tours in the past. However, visits tend to make coming home to our empty house that much harder. And, nearing the end of most long tours of his I have a tendency to walk around with a bit of a chip on my shoulder. needless to say, having returned from L.A. only 4 days ago and approaching the final stretch of the tour..well, there's been a chip on my shoulder lately, maybe even two. okay definately two.
sometimes i feel crazy. just a simple drive has me livid with him by the time I arrive to my destination & I haven't even spoken to him, i've only thought of him and how he's STILL gone. this is when i start to feel a little bit crazy; he hasn't done anything at all, he's just off working.
so i stomp around a while..mad & annoyed. Then the sadness comes and with sadness we all know comes tears. tonight tears came while I was taking a bath. oh i cried and cried. then went back to the mad stomping as I watched the late night replay my soap (yes, I have a soap & shhh). I did things that we often do when we're upset with our significant other but seldom admit. I turned off the ringer on my phone so I wouldn't hear when he called and be tempted to answer only to check my phone every couple minutes to see if he did call. I get madder by the minute that he hasn't called (even though I wasn't going to answer anyway) finally forgetting to become engrossed in daytime drama. When I do remember and check my phone I find out that (gasp) he called 8 minutes ago!
I get a little bit teary and dial him up.
he answers. we talk. My demeanor is initially chilly but warms up when he makes me laugh and now I am completely melted...ah yes, now I'm better. I just needed a nice dose of randy.
In "The Awakening", Edna does some gambling, moves out of her family home & swims into the gulf of mexico never to return (I have done no justice to the lovely story).
I am not edna, I am not pushing away from HR or anything of the like & I certainly have no trips to the gulf planned. But I was awakened to my own reality tonight. It will be okay, he'll be home sooner than later & in the mean time I just have to remember to not stomp but to take a deep breath & remember how great my life is. xoxx