29 October 2007

weathering the changes.

Spring & fall seem to bring me days filled with self deprication: my state of life, my weight, my checkbook, my car, my toenails! It's a little bit ridiculous & I am currently in the midst of it, though I think I'm almost out. Almost. That is as soon as it snows.

Summer & Winter bring two distinctive lifestyles for me and I tend to think of spring and fall as the warm up to them. I love summer, I love the feel of a hot, humid summer night more than anything (remember this post?). But I also love winter especially the nights quiet from snowfall. So what's the problem? Why is it so hard to adjust to changing seasons when for 24 of my 29 years I have lived through the entire cycle in the same place?

I have come to the conclusion (as I do every equinoxal season) that the changing of weather freaks me out. Change is good, it's essential and I know this. But coming from a place where our regional culture and conversation is quite centered around the weather it's no wonder the change of it has seeped into my psyche. I know I can't control when the last "good day" will be or when the first frost will happen, and that suspense is hard for me to swallow. I like patterns and habit. I like knowing when things are going to happen. For example, I really appreciate that it is typical for the 3rd week of January to be the coldest ever. I don't know that this is really accurate, but for over ten years I have told myself as much and it seems to be true. There will definately be a January where the 3rd week isn't the coldest and I'll live through it. But, in the mean time, that's my theory and I'm sticking to it.

Because I can not be instrumental in the changes of weather I look inward at changes I can be such as those noted above. So I pick at myself and the things that I mean to work on all summer and get a little down about it. But, I'm almost through it, just as soon as it snows.

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