so i'm a little bit drunk. but I couldn't sleep at all last night & it sucked.
tonight I hope to fall asleep with little problem and sleep all the way through.
nevermind that it's nearly 6am; I closed the restaurant and arrived home only an hour and a half ago.
so i'm a little bit drunk. but I couldn't sleep at all last night & it sucked.
I kept thinking of the murdered woman down the block and wondering if it was really someone she knew.
every creek, every car door woke me wondering if someone was breaking in.
so i'm a little bit drunk. but I couldn't sleep at all last night & it sucked.
tonight will be different - i've finished a bottle of redwine handsome randy has left and I am tipsy.
i am unsteady with slightly blurred vision and a few pillows to fall upon and I will soon fall.
28 July 2007
27 July 2007
the charm of a humid summer night.
tonight is the kind of night that drew me back into the midwest.
it's about 80 degrees with a whole lot of humidity and a whole lot of crickets chirping. mmm humidity. you walk outside and it feels as though a blanket (a damp one at that) has been wrapped around you. the smell of wet grass and flowers is rampant and your hair can never be quite right.
this is the kind of night that makes me wish I still smoked.
when i was in high school I used to sneak out to our front porch or into our backyard late on these humid nights and smoke. I'd smoke and imagine my life after i moved out of my mother's house. I imagined a life with great music in the background at all times and spontaneous dancing in the livingroom. I imagined a life with boys who were nice and cool and always lit my cigarette for me. i imagined a happy dahli who was always busy but still had time to read a great book and see a good film. This is my life as I know it.
It's my 5th summer here since moving back. Tonight I sit on our front porch in the wee hours of the morning digesting my most recent day and anticipating the one that is upon me. Today was busy. There was pretty good music in the background; sometimes everyone else could hear it, other times it was just me. I had a good phone conversation with a boy who is quite nice and very cool and would light my cigarette if I still smoked. He probably would have danced with me in our livingroom too if he were in town, but he's on the road.
Living in the pacific northwest helped me appreciate hot humid nights. I disliked needing a sweater after the sun went down in the summer months and I missed the smells that defined my summer. After my family, it was weather that brought me home to Minnesota post college graduation. Hot, humid summers and cold, snowy winters were calling my name.
Six years later the novelty has not worn off. I still appreciate the heat and humidity same as I did the day my little subaru wagon brought me home to Minneapolis. When I tell people so they look at me sideways and call me crazy. But I'm not crazy, just nostalgic and maybe a little bit silly.
Now I kind of want a cigarette. I could sit here on our porch and smoke and imagine my life in ten more years.
xoxx
it's about 80 degrees with a whole lot of humidity and a whole lot of crickets chirping. mmm humidity. you walk outside and it feels as though a blanket (a damp one at that) has been wrapped around you. the smell of wet grass and flowers is rampant and your hair can never be quite right.
this is the kind of night that makes me wish I still smoked.
when i was in high school I used to sneak out to our front porch or into our backyard late on these humid nights and smoke. I'd smoke and imagine my life after i moved out of my mother's house. I imagined a life with great music in the background at all times and spontaneous dancing in the livingroom. I imagined a life with boys who were nice and cool and always lit my cigarette for me. i imagined a happy dahli who was always busy but still had time to read a great book and see a good film. This is my life as I know it.
It's my 5th summer here since moving back. Tonight I sit on our front porch in the wee hours of the morning digesting my most recent day and anticipating the one that is upon me. Today was busy. There was pretty good music in the background; sometimes everyone else could hear it, other times it was just me. I had a good phone conversation with a boy who is quite nice and very cool and would light my cigarette if I still smoked. He probably would have danced with me in our livingroom too if he were in town, but he's on the road.
Living in the pacific northwest helped me appreciate hot humid nights. I disliked needing a sweater after the sun went down in the summer months and I missed the smells that defined my summer. After my family, it was weather that brought me home to Minnesota post college graduation. Hot, humid summers and cold, snowy winters were calling my name.
Six years later the novelty has not worn off. I still appreciate the heat and humidity same as I did the day my little subaru wagon brought me home to Minneapolis. When I tell people so they look at me sideways and call me crazy. But I'm not crazy, just nostalgic and maybe a little bit silly.
Now I kind of want a cigarette. I could sit here on our porch and smoke and imagine my life in ten more years.
xoxx
25 July 2007
happy early birthday to me.
handsome randy & i celebrated my birthday early this week with a lovely dinner. We dined, we drank and then went home and danced in the livingroom. Over dinner, my partner in crime looked into my eyes & said "Happy Birthday" while he handed me a small shopping bag taped closed at the top. I opened it up & inside I found...an iPod!
xoxx
18 July 2007
chocolate.
I have this strange requirement to have a daily chocolate experience.
Within the first hour of every shift I work I find myself craving a chocolate chip cookie. So I ring in a cookie & run to the kitchen to retrieve it. Our sous chef, charlie hands the cookie to me with a smile while he tells me my cookie intake concerns him. hmph.
Within moments of arriving at my grandfather's apartment I find myself milling about in his kitchen looking for his stash of choco-liebniz or le petit ecolier cookies. (when I was in college, gramps used to send me a box of le petite ecolier cookies every other week). he always has them, I always have one (or three).
tonight I went to a birthday celebration at a bar & a few hours into it decided I needed chocolate. "Hey Emily, wanna walk to SA with me to get a bag of M&M's?". It didn't happen, thankfully. But I truly felt that I needed chocolate in my drunken state.
As i write this I am eating a bowl of cocoa pebbles. cocoa pebbles make me a little less guilty than say a bag of m&ms would.
i like to tell myself that it's a need i have. chocolate: I need it. But deep down I know that it's ultimately a conditioned state.
If i didn't eat chocolate chip cookies at work for a week I probably wouldn't crave them anymore.
But, since I was a little girl my grandfather has been supplying me with choco-liebniz or le petit ecolier cookies...
As for the m&ms and needing them in the midst of bartime birthday party I have no explanation or excuse.
cocoa pebbles - I'll blame the champagne in a can I've been drinking all night long.
xoxx
03 July 2007
i am my father's daughter
i have many memories growing up of my dad taking family photos of our extended family (he'd set up a tripod & then run into the photo at the last second). The thing I remember most about these times is my dad perpetually saying "One More! Just in case!" Everyone grumbles, "Come on! You like em when you get em back! [meaning the photos] Just smile a little longer!", more grumbling but with smiles & the flashbulb continues to go off. And, everyone did love them when they were developed.
Handsome Randy arrived home from Australia last night after being gone for a little over 2 weeks. Prior to that he was home for a week after being gone for 2 months. We are elated with each other's company.
Last night we sat in our bedroom flipping through random cable & catching up with each other's stories. It was hot & he was super tired from the trip home. At one point he was laying on our bed with his head dangling over the side upside down watching tv. it was a great photo op, I thought. So, I pulled out the old polarioid & took a picture. He sighed but obliged.
I then jumped in & put the
camera on automatic timer.
But I didn't like the photo.
One More!
This was okay, but...
One More!
[HR sighs with a grumble]
Come On! You Always Like Them When You See Them!
& he did. xoxx
Handsome Randy arrived home from Australia last night after being gone for a little over 2 weeks. Prior to that he was home for a week after being gone for 2 months. We are elated with each other's company.
Last night we sat in our bedroom flipping through random cable & catching up with each other's stories. It was hot & he was super tired from the trip home. At one point he was laying on our bed with his head dangling over the side upside down watching tv. it was a great photo op, I thought. So, I pulled out the old polarioid & took a picture. He sighed but obliged.
I then jumped in & put the
camera on automatic timer.
But I didn't like the photo.
One More!
This was okay, but...
One More!
[HR sighs with a grumble]
Come On! You Always Like Them When You See Them!
& he did. xoxx
01 July 2007
(untitled)
the world is bizarre. things that seem as though they should never happen sometimes do & when they do it sticks with you. even if it is something that will never change your day to day life. the reality that what has happened has happened and you never imagined it. ever.
thursday night a woman who lived on the next block over was found dead in the apartment she shared with her husband. initially, her death was classified "suspicious" but was changed to homicide the next morning.
i am extremely interested in the case for obvious reasons thus I googled her name on Friday night finding a few newspaper articles, some weird blogs that linked to her myspace & friendster pages as well as her own webpage showcasing her design work. I initially wasn't going to view the more personal pages and I didn't. But then curiousity got the best of me. I wanted to see if I would recognize her so I visited her myspace. she looked a little famliar, but I think that's mostly because she looked as though she could have easily been my friend.
murder is a weird thing. we hear about it everyday in the news and pause over the heinousness and then move on. it rarely seems to happen to someone we know or can relate to. But the moment it does it touches you, even if it's only on your pinky finger, and it jars you.
i'm jarred.
This woman's murder really only touches my pinkiest of fingers, but I think about it all the time. sometimes in regards to my safety but mostly in regard to the fact that she seemed like someone who this would never, in a million years, happen to. she seemed a lot like me.
thursday night a woman who lived on the next block over was found dead in the apartment she shared with her husband. initially, her death was classified "suspicious" but was changed to homicide the next morning.
i am extremely interested in the case for obvious reasons thus I googled her name on Friday night finding a few newspaper articles, some weird blogs that linked to her myspace & friendster pages as well as her own webpage showcasing her design work. I initially wasn't going to view the more personal pages and I didn't. But then curiousity got the best of me. I wanted to see if I would recognize her so I visited her myspace. she looked a little famliar, but I think that's mostly because she looked as though she could have easily been my friend.
murder is a weird thing. we hear about it everyday in the news and pause over the heinousness and then move on. it rarely seems to happen to someone we know or can relate to. But the moment it does it touches you, even if it's only on your pinky finger, and it jars you.
i'm jarred.
This woman's murder really only touches my pinkiest of fingers, but I think about it all the time. sometimes in regards to my safety but mostly in regard to the fact that she seemed like someone who this would never, in a million years, happen to. she seemed a lot like me.
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