Re Entry

Randy arrived home this week after a month long tour of the United States. While I am elated to have him back in our house, there is a period after his arrival that we call "Re Entry" & currently we are in the thick of it.

"Re Entry" is a time in which I am adjusting to sharing my space again & he is adjusting to not being on the road. We bicker, we kiss, we bicker more, I roll my eyes often & he sighs. It is a little more intense this time around & I am not sure if it's because it was such a short tour or because I seem to grow sassier everyday (this is another post in itself). Whatever the reason, I am grateful that we talk about it, laugh it off & are comfortable enough to make fun in the company of others.

Wish us luck.

xoxx

Back to Earth.

What a crazy thing getting married is.

Amazing, but crazy.

I have finally landed back on planet earth after 2 weeks of floating around on cloud nine, giggling at the introduction of my husband, Randy and his introduction of his wife, Dahli. Our glimmering left ring fingers...it's been really quite lovely.

Other than our titles, rings & change in insurance rates, our lives have not changed very much. This is a great thing, as we were both completely happy with our lives previous to our nuptials.

And so life has gone on.

Handsome Randy has embarked on a tour to Australia and New Zealand for a little less than 3 weeks and I am granted the amazing gift of having our house to myself.

Perhaps all this time to myself will produce many enlightening & inspiring writes on this blog. We will see.

xoxx

married.

A few months ago, Randy & I were talking about, well I don't remember what we were talking about, but as we were talking it occurred to me that I should tell him something. So I did.

"Just so you know, I am ready to get married whenever you are."

He stared at me with what I think was curiosity (he may beg to differ), and I went on to articulate exactly what I meant and how I hoped we could go about doing things, when he too was ready, of course.

And so the ball started to roll. We talked often about our impending nuptials, marriage, being married, being a spouse and we talked about our hypothetical wedding. Somehow we seemed to agree on almost everything pertinent to the matter at hand.

And then he was ready. Just like that. As simply as had I told him the month before, he said to me one night, "I'm ready, we should figure all of this out soon."

And the plotting began.

Yesterday morning I woke up and sat at our dining room table listening to the day begin with such intensity. It was snowing outside. My favorite kind of snow, light & fluffy but full bodied flakes. This was the kind of snow that enticed my grandmother to love snowy days. And so on my wedding day, this kind of snow falling down calmed me a little bit & I took it as a little sign that grandma Bette was smiling on me & wishing me a lovely, perfect day.

And I did have a perfect day. I was a little anxious, of course so I kept myself busy with Lunch with one of my oldest friends (Natalie) and the most incredible massage ever at Spot Spa. I gussied myself up a little bit & then drank tea at a coffee house & looked over my vows and reflected on this crazy, new chapter I was about to open. I arrived home with enough tim to giggle with Randy before our small wedding cast arrived.

Randy's witness, Steve, an old friend, arrived first. Then came Dave, our friend & Wedding Officiant. Next it was Annie, my witness and friend since age six. Our friends Skye & Sarah arrived with camera equipment in tow. Soon it was time to dial up The Dads on Skype in Kansas City & Oaxaca, Mexico. Now we only had to wait for The Moms to arrive. They are the most exiting part in this because they had no idea.

Our moms thought they were coming over for a look at our bathroom and to offer advice before a dinner reservation. When each arrived we told them. We cried a lot and hugged each other tightly.

Our ceremony was short and took place in our dining room in front of our fireplace. When Dave started the ceremony I remember reaching into my pockets & squeezing my hands open & closed a few times to make sure it was really happening. I could hardly believe it.

Randy's vows made me cry, I think mine watered him up a little bit too. Everyone applauded when we were announced as married, we corked a bottle of champagne, signed the license and had a few photos taken.

Dinner was amazing. It was just us and The Moms. We were treated like royalty and there were all sorts of crazy presents waiting for us at the table...wine, champagne, Peonies...it was lovely.

A wedding more perfect couldn't have been imagined. I am so lucky and in love with such a great man. And with that, I am confident we have many years of wedded bliss ahead.

xoxx

Wedding.

I spent the weekend in Kansas City in honor of my sister, Kati's nuptials to my fantastic new brother-in-law, Chris.

Yay! Yay! Yay!

Set in my dad & stepmom's backyard, it was the most low key wedding I've ever been to & easily the most beautiful. Including my sister and her new husband, there 9 of us in attendance. Minutes before the ceremony was to begin Kati looked at myself and our other sister, Maura, "Will one of you hold the ring 'til I need it?"

After the ceremony we had a lovely lunch of chicken salad sandwiches, fresh fruit and oriental salad and watered ourselves with Champagne (of course). The meal (& wedding festivities) were completed with a strawberry mousse filled wedding cake and a reviewal of photos taken of the ceremony.

The bride and groom pulled out of the driveway around 3pm. We all waved, hugged each other and then changed into casual clothes and headed downtown. It was funny later when we ducked into a Starbuck's for coffee and I looked at my dad & said, "Kati and Chris were married today,"
"YEAH! Isn't it great?!"
It is. So great.

xoxx

Four Years.

Four years ago today I went to Heart of the Beast Theatre's annual May Day Celebration at Powderhorn Park. I can still remember where I stood to watch the parade that year (27th & Bloomington) & I can still remember what I was wearing (my NE Junior High hoodie and red gingham skirt). After the parade I went to a party at someone's house across the street from the park. All the while I had a very handsome man on my mind: Randy Hawkins.

He was just arriving home from a three month road tour and the final show of the tour was that night at First Avenue. The tour was preceded by a month or so of lingering drinks at 2-4-1 Tuesdays at The Triple Rock followed by a few dates in the days he was getting ready to go on the road.

In those very early days of courtship between us I was preoccupied: my grandmother was terminally ill and I was trying to spend every moment I had free with her. But I'd get these phone calls asking if I wanted to meet at Nye's for a glass of wine or take the new Light Rail to the Mall of America on a Sunday. I wanted to & I did, but I didn't pay much attention to what was really happening. I was falling in love.

While Randy was on the road we talked on the phone nearly every night. I looked forward to when my day was over so I could hear his voice. I relished making him laugh (I still do) & I could listen to his stories of tour and travel all night if he felt like talking that long.

A lot took place during those phone conversations. I don't think we will ever know just how much.

Randy was the first person I called when I left my family the night my grandma died. He happened to be in town for a show the night of her funeral. He tried so hard to get me to go, when I refused he came to my apartment as soon as he could after the show and just held me for two hours while I talked and cried. I'll never forget how it was snowing that night, and I remember walking him to the door of the building and then rushing back to my apartment to watch him walk until he was out of sight. I can still see that image.

So I go to this show on May 1st with the sole purpose of seeing Randy. I'm nervous. The friend I brought along as my +1 asked me what I was so nervous about and I distintively remember responding, "I just feel like it could work out with him." And it has.

That night I think I drank 4 or 5 Black Russians (all booze, only vodka + Kahlua). This is amazing as I am the lightest of light weights and really shouldn't be doing anything after two cocktails let alone 5. But I needed an elixer.

The show ended and I ordered another drink. I remember spying Randy on stage taking things apart. I ran to the foot of the stage & yelled his name. He smiled and came over pulling me to an embrace and suggested we meet upstairs in the VIP lounge after a while.

When he arrived we clasped hands & I don't think I let go until the next day. Through the last four years we have learned so very much about each other and each day I think we fit together more perfectly. And through it all our hands have been clasped together and I think they always will be.

xoxx

A tip.

When you have a partner who is on the fence about having kids, do not go shopping downtown on brink of the Hollidazzle parade starting; it just might keep them on the other side of the fence.
xoxx

Partner on Tour Survival Tool #39

Video Chat.
Handsome Randy & I have been pretty lucky with the tour he is currently on. He is gone for approximately 10 weeks & when all is said & done we will have not gone longer than 18 days without seeing one another. This is pretty amazing & has made the tour quite pleasant. But I have moments when stomp around because I'm a little lonely or feeling a little neglected. While my outlook and attitude is ideal for our situation (I don't mind having the house to myself) my morale has been known to falter.
The other night I was just about to go to bed & I get a text from HR that reads, "Turn on your iChat!" I do, we connect & video chat for an hour giggling and hanging out even though he's in Ohio & I'm in Minnesota. We sign off & I feel like I've seen him in person (sort of) & my morale is flying high.
xoxx

rescued sunglasses.

This weekend Handsome Randy & I embarked on a journey to Seattle & Victoria. He was working, I was tagging along. It was great and entailed a few ferry rides, a customs search, 2 rap shows, lots of donuts and a pair of rescued sunglasses.

I LOVE my sunglasses. While they were a mere $8 at my favorite vintage shop, rewind I regard them as though they are gold. And they are, to me.

So morning #2 of our journey we head to the Victoria/Port Angeles Ferry 2 hours early to make certain we have space on the ferry. We arrive securing our place on the ferry and we have time to get breakfast. Our 4 traveling companions go off for food and as HR secures the van I realize that I have left my beloved sunglasses in the hotel.

"AAH!" I yell. I assume they are gone for good, after all, HR has many things to worry about for he is working. But no.

"Should we take a cab back to the hotel and get them?" he says.

"Sure, if you think it's worth it."

"You love them, it's totally worth it."

And so we cabbed it. With our French taxi driver and I making polite conversation along the way & me clutching my treasured sunglasses all the way back to the ferry,

What a fantastic man I have.

I will say that while I would do the same for him, I think if I were traveling alone I would have chalked the loss and thought about the lost sunglasses every time I bought a new pair. I once left a fantastic belt in DC never to get it back, and still think about it wishing I still had it to pair with various pieces.

xoxx

Dallas Frenzy.

This is what Handsome Randy & I look forward at the end of most of our weekdays.

It started as a half witted joke between us one evening when we stumbled upon it. Now it has evolved into something we look forward to & make sure we don't miss.

We're really into it.

We loathe J.R. & Cliff while cheering on Sue Ellen, Bobby & Pam, and we love Miss Ellie. We have even referenced The Official Dallas Website regarding the family tree and back stories.

I grew up watching Dallas with my mom on Friday nights. During the opening credits I would strut in front of our living room mirror flipping my hair and pretending to be Pam or Jenna. So the love was already there on my part - it just needed to be re-tapped.

Tune in if your up, every weekday night/morning at 3am on Soapnet.

xoxx

gatos.

<----Cyrus

I never write about my cats.
me, who has had cats my entire life, has never posted anything more than a sentence (if that) about my cats, Asha & Cyrus.

There is a blog, Minnesota Meow and it sort of made me feel as though I was a crappy cat owner as I realized I had not once blogged about my cats. so, I'm going to remedy this and blog about all of them. sorry to bore you, but I must...here goes.

my earliest memory ever is standing in the kitchen of a neighbor about 4 doors down from my childhood home. I'm admiring a newly acquired orange and white kitten. Then flash to my dad scolding me in my bedroom for running off without telling him. I couldn't have been three yet; he must have been terrified. He has no memory of this incident, but it is crystal clear for me. I can still see that kitten.

We always have had cats. For a long time they were always all black (Shadow, Rainbow & Rascall) or all white (Whitey & Popcorn). But then Popcorn had kittens and we kept one, Pudding, who was black and white. This was during my 1st grade year. Pudding was the best cat ever and he lived to be about 10. One night he went outside and never came back. This is what cats do when they die, I'm told, they just go away to be alone. It's very private for them.

Popcorn disappeared about a year after Pudding's litter was born. We acquired Stevie shortly thereafter to fill the void. She was rescued from a 2nd grade classmate of mine who claimed her stepdad hated cats & threw Stevie down the stairs when she acted like a cat. Stevie lived to be about 20, she only died about 2 years ago. She was a petite little tabby who was an expert hunter & had many litters of kittens through the years (contributing nicely to the overpopulation of cats and homeless pets problem), including Pom Pom who was born when I was about 8.

Pom Pom was super skittish. When he was only a few months old he was locked in neighbors garage for a week never to be the same. He lived to be about 18. This was sort of torturous for my mother who was not all that fond of Pom Pom. In his later years he developed a terrible habit of peeing in her closet thus causing his popularity to wane. When I came home from college, I brought Pom Pom to the vet to be put down (it's hard to give away a cat who pees inappropriately). He was quite healthy, he just couldn't shake the habit of peeing in my mother's closet. The vet (who was definition of The Crazy Cat Lady) was appalled and refused to put down a cat of such "strong & healthy stock", she then lectured me for not taking him in as he was originally my cat. I agreed, but explained that I had acquired two cats of my own in my adulthood and resided in a 500 square foot studio apartment. Crazy Cat Lady saw none of this and sent me on my way with Pom Pom who was a little freaked out, but alive, and me trying to find the words to share with my mother. Pom Pom disappeared about 2 years later.

I found Asha at the Humane Society in Tacoma, Wa in 2000 while I was in college. She came with the name "Ghosty" and was about 6 months old. Her first night with me she climbed beneath the covers and laid on her back with her head on the pillow. Asha---->

Cyrus came into the picture shortly after I moved back to Minneapolis in 2001. I needed company for Asha so I headed to the Minnesota Valley Humane Society. He was pretty young (3 months) and quite shy.

My planned companionship for the two cats works well. Though Asha kicks Cyrus' ass on a regular basis, she spends more time grooming him and napping with him. And I couldn't imagine our house without them.

xoxx

& he's back.

Handsome Randy arrived early saturday morning cold & a little banged up. But I'm happy to have him home in any form. I've been taking photos of him as if he's about to go out of style & he's reveling in the bask of my flashbulb. yeah right.

xoxx

i am my father's daughter

i have many memories growing up of my dad taking family photos of our extended family (he'd set up a tripod & then run into the photo at the last second). The thing I remember most about these times is my dad perpetually saying "One More! Just in case!" Everyone grumbles, "Come on! You like em when you get em back! [meaning the photos] Just smile a little longer!", more grumbling but with smiles & the flashbulb continues to go off. And, everyone did love them when they were developed.

Handsome Randy arrived home from Australia last night after being gone for a little over 2 weeks. Prior to that he was home for a week after being gone for 2 months. We are elated with each other's company.
Last night we sat in our bedroom flipping through random cable & catching up with each other's stories. It was hot & he was super tired from the trip home. At one point he was laying on our bed with his head dangling over the side upside down watching tv. it was a great photo op, I thought. So, I pulled out the old polarioid & took a picture. He sighed but obliged.

I then jumped in & put the
camera on automatic timer.
But I didn't like the photo.
One More!


This was okay, but...
One More!


[HR sighs with a grumble]
Come On! You Always Like Them When You See Them!




























& he did. xoxx

awakened.

last night i finished re-reading kate chopin's "The Awakening". This book remains to be one of my favorites. I related to the story in a different way this time around. In the book, Edna Pontellier becomes quite disillusioned with her high society husband & the contraints of their marriage..she leaves. I read this book this time & quietly chided Edna to stay & tough it out. Perhaps I was really telling myself to suck it up as of late I've been a little disillusioned myself with handsome randy's rockstar job & the challenges it sometimes causes. This might be a stretch but read on anyway.
Handsome Randy is in the midst of being gone for 2 months working. I have visited him twice (Atlanta & L.A.) during his two month absence and for the most part his being away has been quite a bit easier than tours in the past. However, visits tend to make coming home to our empty house that much harder. And, nearing the end of most long tours of his I have a tendency to walk around with a bit of a chip on my shoulder. needless to say, having returned from L.A. only 4 days ago and approaching the final stretch of the tour..well, there's been a chip on my shoulder lately, maybe even two. okay definately two.
sometimes i feel crazy. just a simple drive has me livid with him by the time I arrive to my destination & I haven't even spoken to him, i've only thought of him and how he's STILL gone. this is when i start to feel a little bit crazy; he hasn't done anything at all, he's just off working.
so i stomp around a while..mad & annoyed. Then the sadness comes and with sadness we all know comes tears. tonight tears came while I was taking a bath. oh i cried and cried. then went back to the mad stomping as I watched the late night replay my soap (yes, I have a soap & shhh). I did things that we often do when we're upset with our significant other but seldom admit. I turned off the ringer on my phone so I wouldn't hear when he called and be tempted to answer only to check my phone every couple minutes to see if he did call. I get madder by the minute that he hasn't called (even though I wasn't going to answer anyway) finally forgetting to become engrossed in daytime drama. When I do remember and check my phone I find out that (gasp) he called 8 minutes ago!
I get a little bit teary and dial him up.
he answers. we talk. My demeanor is initially chilly but warms up when he makes me laugh and now I am completely melted...ah yes, now I'm better. I just needed a nice dose of randy.
In "The Awakening", Edna does some gambling, moves out of her family home & swims into the gulf of mexico never to return (I have done no justice to the lovely story).
I am not edna, I am not pushing away from HR or anything of the like & I certainly have no trips to the gulf planned. But I was awakened to my own reality tonight. It will be okay, he'll be home sooner than later & in the mean time I just have to remember to not stomp but to take a deep breath & remember how great my life is. xoxx