Off to sleep.

It's a really strange thing to put your cat "to sleep".

A few weeks ago Asha The Cat took a turn for the worse. We brought her to the vet on a Friday morning and Monday afternoon I kissed her little ears goodbye forever. The days in between were spent with teary eyes as I grew used to the idea of saying goodbye.

I was fortunate enough to have a few hours with her at home before I let her go, and I was also fortunate to be there when she left. I rubbed her little ears and whispered how good she was and within seconds she was gone.

I have written this post so many times in the past few weeks, but it never was quite right enough to publish. This is why this page has been stagnant for over a month. It's hard not to write about all the funny characteristics and habits she had. It's hard not to write in detail what those last hours at home with her entailed. But I've written enough, talked enough. The rest is for me to keep close to my heart, a heart that will always skip a beat at the sight of any gray cat in memoriam of sweet, sweet Asha.

It's a Bit Easier Now, Thanks.

Someone I barely know asked how me how Asha was today and I realized that in the blogosphere I left this bleak and sad thing hanging with no follow up.

For those cat peeps and other animal lovers out there here's an update.

It's gotten a bit easier as she is home. She is not her old self as I was expecting, or maybe just hoping, but I see glimpses of it every once in a while. And I've had to come to terms with the fact that she may not ever be her old self completely.

I have to give her insulin twice a day which is not as difficult as I thought it would be and thanks to advice & tips offered on various websites dedicated to Feline Diabetes I am getting better at it every day.

All in all I am quite lucky. Asha is the best cat I have ever had in my 31 years and until now has had never a reason to go to the vet aside from annual vaccinations. And I am in a place where while it's a slight pinch in my finances to have her medical needs looked after it is not out of the question.

xoxx

This is Hard.

When I was growing up we always had cats. Always. There was Whitey, Rainbow, Popcorn, Pudding, Pom Pom & Stevie. When I was in my third year of college, along came Asha.

Aaah, Asha. The pretty gray cat from The Pierce County Humane Society in Tacoma, Washington. Originally, Ghosty, she had the sweetest disposition and cutest chirp. Her first night with me she climbed into bed, beneath the cover and laid on her back (with her head on the pillow) between my boyfriend and I. We laughed, but she was serious. And she's been best cat I've had. Ever. She is my 7th of 8 cats (Cyrus came along about a year after Asha when we moved to Minneapolis), and she is the best cat I've ever had. I keep saying this because it's true though a little bit monotonous.

She greets me at the door when I get home, she is everywhere I am whether it's in the bathroom taking a bath (always next to the tub) or in the kitchen doing kitchen stuff (on the sink rug gazing at me). She's the best, the most loyal. Which is why I am at odds this weekend.

A few months ago when I brought Asha & Cyrus in for their annual vaccinations the vet warned me that they were both overweight. Overweight in older cats meant risk for diabetes, especially males. So a diet ensued, and their food intake was cut in half. I joked that no cat of mine would could be diabetic as I wouldn't put up with such high maintenance of a cat.

Huh.

So through out the last week my lady Asha just wasn't herself. A little slower, always hungry, ridiculously thirsty and much more tolerant of Cyrus (she typically gives him a daily ass kicking) than usual. I noted, but was not overly concerned.

Then on Saturday night I arrived home from work and she wasn't at the door to greet me. "Asha, Asha," I called, and soon enough she walked into the kitchen slowly and disheveled. I scooped her up. She was scruffy and not her chirpy self. I brought her into the living room and decided to give her a good brushing. She was happy: purring and licking my hand as I brushed her, and then I got to her hind legs. They hurt. I discovered this because she bit me when I brushed her right hind leg. I turned her over to see if the left was also sore and was given another bite and a little bit of a growl. With her ears back in annoyance, she jumped off my lap and onto our hardwood living room floor sliding on her hind legs in a way which made me feel like it hurt her to land. So I called the University of Minnesota Emergency Vet Clinic.

20 minutes later I loaded Asha into the car and to the U of M we went. The person on the Vet Clinic emergency line warned me of possible kidney failure or heart problems. When I pulled up to the Clinic that night I was prepared to say goodbye to her.

When the vet came into the waiting room after Asha's exam and told me she was Diabetic I laughed outloud. I think the vet was as taken aback by my reaction as much as I was. Cyrus was the one who was going to get Diabetes. He's the male, he's the one who's hungry all the time, he's really over weight.

But no, it's Asha.

Asha the Cat who drove from Tacoma, Washington to Minneapolis, Minnesota in 5 days on the dash of my '88 Subaru Wagon with a leash on.

Asha the Cat who sleeps with me (only when Randy's on tour) until I am ready to wake up.

Asha the Cat who chirps instead of meows and rolls on her back to tell you she loves you.

Asha the Cat who licks my hair to clean me and let me know she's watching out for me.

Asha the Cat who seems to be in tune with my emotions and willing to make all better. Seriously. I mean she licked my pants today as I cried when the vet left the exam room briefly, almost as if to tell me all would be okay. This only made me cry more.

So I stood in the exam room this afternoon, after the vet went over all the possibilities and liklihoods of a living with a diabetic cat, and silently weighed in my mind whether treating her diabetes is for me or for her.

She is a lovely cat. Our school aged nephews can tote her around the house beneath their arms and not only does she tolerate it, but when they set her down she either sits down beside them or slowly walks away. Personally, I would run if any child walked around with me under their arms.

So the initial treatment requires an overnight stay and monitoring and such. I agreed and negotiated a payment plan and kissed her little ears goodbye. Only to lose it as I paid the receptionist my first payment: "Will (dry heave) you (dry heave) put this (dry heave) blazer of mine (dry heave) in her cage? (Sob, sob, sob,) Maybe it will be (dry heave) easier for her (dry heave) if she smells me (sob)."

Oh, I am such a sad little cat lady.

I guess in the end, I did what I needed to. Handsome Randy soothed me tonight as I cried to him via Skype. He reminded me that I should at least give it a shot and see what happens as she is the world's greatest cat. And so I have and we will see.

Asha the Cat: We all wish you well. So well. xxxxoooxx.

xoxo

Finishing Sentences v.II

So, having all this time to myself, and that is all I have been doing, hanging out at home, one might think that I would be blogging like crazy. Not at all. It seems that I need interactions with the outside world for material & inspiration. But I need a little jump start, so I'm going to recycle this little survey from last summer.

I recorded the first thing that popped into my head upon reading each phrase.

Outside my window
Lots of snow! Our backyard is a giant mound of 3 - 4 foot high snowdrifts.

I am thinking
tomorrow marks the beginning of a new week & I am going to flourish all week long.

I am thankful for
my everlasting optimism. It seems that so much is easier to take when one hopelessly sees the silver lining in everything.

From the kitchen
A very bare pantry and relatively empty fridge. I need to go to the grocer's* tomorrow.
*I've decided to start saying "Grocer's" in place of "Grocery Store", I'm not really sure why. I guess I like the sound of it better.

I am wearing
a vintage pale yellow, tea length night dress with red trim on the sleeves, neckline and at the bottom. I think I picked it up at The Unique Thrift Store a few years back.

I am creating
two blankets for a little girl called Millie and her new sister, Josie.

I am going
to go to bed soon as I have to wake up very early and take Asha The Cat to the veterinarian; she has recently been diagnosed with Feline Diabetes.

I am reading
nothing very good in the novel department. But a lot of great stuff in The New Yorker & The Week.

I am hoping
that Ms. Asha will be back to herself soon and Feline Diabetes isn't as much of a hassle as I fear it to be. Even if it is, my cat of ten years is entirely worth it. She is the best cat I've had in my entire life & I've had my fair share of cats.

I am hearing .
an iTunes genius playlist based from "Be So Happy" by The Heartless Bastards. Just finished "These Are The Fables" by The New Pornographers and onto "Greenville" by Lucinda Williams. Genius is pretty great.

Around the house
it's lovely...even after nearly 6 months that "New House" charm hasn't worn off yet.

One of my favorite things
drinking coffee and journaling first thing in the morning (or afternoon) with NPR providing some background noise.

A few plans for the rest of the week
Movies: The Lovely Bones, Nine, A Serious Man, Sherlock Holmes (The Oscar Race is on)...work, and maybe some a little forage for change in my life.

A picture to share

SNOW! This has quite literally been the winter of great heights. I don't remember the snow being as high as it is in many years...the weather peeps say at least 20. It's remarkable, exciting, and annoying all at once. But it sure makes me proud to be a Minnesotan, as winter usually does.







xoxx

Winter Entertainment

We are all getting a little bit stir crazy as this winter has been impressively cold so far. When the first snow fell in mid December, I opened the door for the cats to go out as usual in the morning. It was a cold morning and I hadn't ever let them out in snow before. Asha, the braver of the two ran out as fast she could only to run right back in even faster. She hasn't mewed at the door since.

The last couple of days have brought us warm winter weather. Yesterday it reached a nice, balmy 30. We are in winter heaven. Today I opened the door for the cats to go out for the first time in over a month. They both came trotting along quite happily stopping dead in their tracks about a foot before the door. There is no path beyond the door, only a big snow drift from shoveling the walk. In unison, they crept up to it slowly and looked out sniffing the air with anticipation of what was out there.

Neither ever ventured into the snow, they only stood there and sniffed, almost falling over each other, for about five minutes. When I finally shut the door (we are not interested in heating the backyard after all) they ran about the house with the kind of energy burst that only comes from being outside (or sniffing the outdoorsy air). Darting in and out of rooms, leaping high over obstacles. If cats could laugh, ours would have been giggling incessantly.

And this, my non Minnesotan friends, is how we get through the winter. We entertain ourselves with stories of high snow drifts, cats who are afraid of it, and the excitement of a 30 degree day in January. All of which are incredibly amazing things, especially if you haven't been able to go outside comfortably in a month.

xoxx

You've Probably Already Seen This.

But I am a real sucker for cats, especially baby ones. Enjoy.

xoxx

gatos.

<----Cyrus

I never write about my cats.
me, who has had cats my entire life, has never posted anything more than a sentence (if that) about my cats, Asha & Cyrus.

There is a blog, Minnesota Meow and it sort of made me feel as though I was a crappy cat owner as I realized I had not once blogged about my cats. so, I'm going to remedy this and blog about all of them. sorry to bore you, but I must...here goes.

my earliest memory ever is standing in the kitchen of a neighbor about 4 doors down from my childhood home. I'm admiring a newly acquired orange and white kitten. Then flash to my dad scolding me in my bedroom for running off without telling him. I couldn't have been three yet; he must have been terrified. He has no memory of this incident, but it is crystal clear for me. I can still see that kitten.

We always have had cats. For a long time they were always all black (Shadow, Rainbow & Rascall) or all white (Whitey & Popcorn). But then Popcorn had kittens and we kept one, Pudding, who was black and white. This was during my 1st grade year. Pudding was the best cat ever and he lived to be about 10. One night he went outside and never came back. This is what cats do when they die, I'm told, they just go away to be alone. It's very private for them.

Popcorn disappeared about a year after Pudding's litter was born. We acquired Stevie shortly thereafter to fill the void. She was rescued from a 2nd grade classmate of mine who claimed her stepdad hated cats & threw Stevie down the stairs when she acted like a cat. Stevie lived to be about 20, she only died about 2 years ago. She was a petite little tabby who was an expert hunter & had many litters of kittens through the years (contributing nicely to the overpopulation of cats and homeless pets problem), including Pom Pom who was born when I was about 8.

Pom Pom was super skittish. When he was only a few months old he was locked in neighbors garage for a week never to be the same. He lived to be about 18. This was sort of torturous for my mother who was not all that fond of Pom Pom. In his later years he developed a terrible habit of peeing in her closet thus causing his popularity to wane. When I came home from college, I brought Pom Pom to the vet to be put down (it's hard to give away a cat who pees inappropriately). He was quite healthy, he just couldn't shake the habit of peeing in my mother's closet. The vet (who was definition of The Crazy Cat Lady) was appalled and refused to put down a cat of such "strong & healthy stock", she then lectured me for not taking him in as he was originally my cat. I agreed, but explained that I had acquired two cats of my own in my adulthood and resided in a 500 square foot studio apartment. Crazy Cat Lady saw none of this and sent me on my way with Pom Pom who was a little freaked out, but alive, and me trying to find the words to share with my mother. Pom Pom disappeared about 2 years later.

I found Asha at the Humane Society in Tacoma, Wa in 2000 while I was in college. She came with the name "Ghosty" and was about 6 months old. Her first night with me she climbed beneath the covers and laid on her back with her head on the pillow. Asha---->

Cyrus came into the picture shortly after I moved back to Minneapolis in 2001. I needed company for Asha so I headed to the Minnesota Valley Humane Society. He was pretty young (3 months) and quite shy.

My planned companionship for the two cats works well. Though Asha kicks Cyrus' ass on a regular basis, she spends more time grooming him and napping with him. And I couldn't imagine our house without them.

xoxx